Catholic Cords What a Nerd

I’m going on 58 years old and here’s one that has stayed with me for a long long time. A childhood ghost story you might say, kind of hoping by writing it down it will stop having so much importance.

A little back ground info first, our family of 6 kids moved to Santa Clara from Arcadia (L.A. area) in 1957, there my 3 older brothers and I went to Catholic school, but when we moved to Santa Clara my parents switched to public school. And with 6 kids and my mom learned early to save every piece of clothing that didn’t have a 3 inch hole in it, she sowed so small holes were no big deal – just darn-it up good as new.

I’m in the 6th grade Jefferson Junior High, I’ve been growing like a weed and hand-me-down clothing from my brothers was pretty normal for me. So when my mom reaches into the bottom drawer and pulls out a pair of 3 year old, belonged to my brother Bob, Catholic uniform, grey corduroy pants for me to wear I thought nothing of it. Actually I remember feeling pretty good about these pants fitting me for a change. Remember now Levys were the only pants a boy worn back then.

So off to junior high I go, get to the gate a few minutes early and am waiting for the teacher to unlock it, going to hit the playground running for morning recess. Up walks a couple of kids and immediately I hear laughing, I look around to see what’s so funny and realize it’s me. Understand I still don’t get the joke, why are they laughing and pointing at me, and than I hear “catholic pant what a nerd”. I try and defend myself, but like most kids that have been bully victims words don’t come quick, or sound cool, and my come-back is as nerdy as the pants.

I give some quick thoughts to running home, but the trouble I’d get into from my mom for that move would be unbearable, and besides she wouldn’t get it or let me change pants and I’d be late for school. So in my head I go to plan B – this is an isolated incident nobody else will even notice. Oh God was I wrong, - that was the most miserable day. I actually had a group of kids that spent the day following me around taunting me with a continual choir of “catholic pants” and what ever name they choice at that moment. They would pick me up as I walked out of my classroom and start right in. They actually recruit other kids (rather successfully) to join them as I walked out to recess.

When my school day ended I ran home changed into my cut-offs and hide the pants. The next day, I wore an older different pair of pants, which they immediately found something wrong with. The damage had been done, and until they found something new to tease me about that was it “Catholic Cords what a _ _ _ _” just fill in the blank.

Bullying - How Does Your State Rate

Below are some ratings for each state. What are these ratings for you ask? Well it seems not all things are created equal when it comes to how a particular state approaches the concepts of protecting our children from being abused by other kids and adults while at school.

As you can see state by state there is a hugh difference in how protected our children are. And the number of states that haven't even considered it important enough to have ANY laws when it comes to abuse in the school system is remarkable to me.

An "A" rating means that the laws are strong enough for it to work and make a difference - when they are enforced. The fact that only 21 states are receiving an "A" rating shows an unbelievable attitude of indifference to this problem. If a state is receiving a "B" or "C" rating it means the laws aren't strong enough, and there is still work to be done to make the laws that are on the books strong enough to make a difference.

For example, in 2003 California went from a “D” to a “B” What’s still missing according to Bully Police USA www.bullypolice.org 1) any definitions of bulling and harassment 2) protection against reprisal, retaliation or false accusation, and 3) school district protection against lawsuits upon compliance to policies.

"The school ground bully has been around for too long. His entire success at bullying is predicated upon arrogant disregard to simple decency, and a willingness to brutalize an innocent victim simply because the bully is bigger and stronger and others are afraid to intervene. It is insidious and calls for society and government to intervene decisively. This bullying bill is a start. As you deliberate this bill please reflect on the fact that Government's primary purpose for existence is for the protection of its innocent citizens. ...Then remember your bully as a child."
Congressman Trent Franks (R) Arizona


Now, martial art schools in the past have helped in many ways with this problem, we give Bullying seminars and coaching to kids that are tormented daily, mat chats regularly, and support parents teachers and schools in many different ways. But, it's obvious that the work we are doing is simple iodine, and Band-Aids after the cut has happened. It's not enough, it's not working.

Let's talk, make some plans, and really really go after this problem the way a Black Belt should.

Alaska (A)
Arkansas (A-)
Arizona (A-)
California (B)
Colorado (B)
Connecticut (B-)
Delaware (A++)
Florida (A++)
Georgia (B)
Iowa (A-)
Idaho (A-)
Illinois (C)
Indiana (B+)
Kansas (B)
Kentucky (A++)
Louisiana (C)
Maryland (A++)
Maine (A-)
Minnesota (C-)
Mississippi (C)
Nebraska (B-)
New Hampshire (C)
New Jersey (B+)
New Mexico (B+)
Nevada (B+)
Ohio (A)
Oklahoma (A)
Oregon (A)
Pennsylvania (B+)
South Carolina (A-)
Road Island (A)
Tennessee (A-)
Texas (C-)
Utah (A+)
Virginia (A-)
Vermont (A-)
Washington (A-)
West Virginia (A+)

Flunking because they have no laws
Alabama (F)
Hawaii (F)
Massachusetts (F)
Michigan (F)
Missouri (F)
Montana (F)
North Carolina (F)
North Dakota (F)
New York (F)
South Dakota (F)
Wisconsin (F)
Wyoming (F)

This was sent to us by Jennifer - Thank You

A family friend was in high school and was having major self esteem issues. She was overweight and not part of the "in crowd"! Some very mean girls began verbally bullying this girl. They told her she was fat and ugly and not worth anything. She was 15 years old. She hung herself in the girls bathroom. She was barely alive when they found her. She has been in a coma ever since.

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I was in junior high school and my friends and I got off the bus to walk home. A few girls from school were folowing us and it was not their usual route home, so we knew something was up. We tried to walk faster so we could make it to my friends house who was closest. At first the girls were just yelling things at us and making fun of us, but as we ignored them they started getting closer and bumping..me! I was the target of a dare. They began goading me and harrassing me! The girl who had been dared to fight me was my old best friend. I wanted nothing to do with hurting her. I tried to get away but they pushed me and surrounded me. I had no choice to fight back. It ended up being two against one. I walked away okay, but was devastated. I was forced into an act of violence. The effects of that event went so much deeper and farther than the moment. From then on I was quick to act. I would fight rather than walk away. I had been tainted and I carried that with me. I ended up on a path I did not want to be on. I also turned into someone I did not like. i got into a lot of trouble and hurt a lot of people. The one bullying event started a chain reaction that spread. It should have been stopped before it started.

Story About a Bullied Girl - Shelly

This story was sent to me by one of my adult students - Thank You Shelly

As far as my experience goes with bullies in school, I was afraid of them. I was not a prime target, but they affected my experience very much. In Junior High I was a very socially conscious girl. I could not relax around others. I was often times verbally frozen by social anxiety and fears of confrontation. I was out sick for most the year because of this. The times I did go to school, I somehow found a facial expression and toughness in demeanor that kept the bullies at bay.

I remember one girl in school who was not this lucky. She was a prime target for bullies because she didn’t have the animal instinct to protect herself. She was unable to fit herself into any of the main clusters of people who had protection in numbers. She was all alone and defenseless. She didn’t wear makeup, her cloths were not the latest fashion. She had thick blond hair that hung down and covered one of her eyes. I remember she was funny and quirky and approachable. The kind of person you instantly feel comfortable around. But for some reason she was labeled a geek and a loser. No one wanted to be seen talking to her. She was made fun of daily.

I remember one bully in particular. He was a very popular boy with almost white blond hair from the surfer-skater clan. He was very abusive towards this girl. He would call her names, make fun of how she looked, make her move out of her seat. No-one ever stood up for her, not even the teachers. I think they were afraid the bully would turn toward them. It reminds me of the theory about animals letting the weakest be devoured in order to survive themselves. If the bully feasted on this poor weak girl. He would be full and would leave the rest of us alone. She wasn’t a poor weak girl though. She would stick up for her self amidst thousands of people who did nothing. She would say whatever she could think of to fight back. She was stronger than any of us.

I did stand up for her once. On the bleachers during gym in between some activity. This bully was attacking her. It was merciless and going on for sometime. Something inside me just couldn’t take it anymore. My anger at that little popular jerk grew stronger then my fears. I told him to leave her alone. Then he came toward me with the attack. He told me to shut-up and asked me if I was her best friend. That’s the moment I always regret. I should have said “yes” or something like “I would like her to be”. Instead I just said “no”. I couldn’t go that far for some reason. I feel ashamed about that moment. I was very young and having trouble trying to survive that vicious high school world myself. But come to think of it, even just that little intervention of the bullying was enough to stop him from attacking her anymore that day. If I had said more, if more than one of us had said something at the same time, if the adults had taken some action, I think it would have made a difference for her. I think it would have stopped the bullying. I’m sure of it. I don’t know where she is or what ever happened to her. I hope she has found kindness and comfort in life with a support system of some kind. Something she definitely did not have during her young years of Junior High School.

Batting 5 for 5

One of the very first kids I worked with in regards to being seriously bullied was a boy in the 4th grade, at a local elementary school. He was tall for his age, and a bit on the chunky side, had red, red hair, wore glasses, had freckles, and a small stutter. When you talk about physical things kids will tease you about he was batting 5 for 5.

His mother came to our martial arts school because a counselor he had started to go to suggested it. His anger issues had boiled over and he was lashing out at everyone around him except the bullies. At our first meeting she said “He needs to get tougher”, he was cornered on the playground and had food thrown at him by a group of 5 kids today, and he didn’t do anything to fight back. The school scolded the boys, talked with their parents and dropped the issue with no follow-up.

We began 20 minute after school lessons, started with teaching him how to carry himself, walk with more confidence, longer stride, head up, look the look of confidence. His stutter made using his voice in a strong forceful manner difficult, but by using short aggressive phrases his voice became powerful and focused. With those concepts in place we did lots and lots of roll playing, helping him see himself successfully defending himself.

This story has a good ending because he was able to eventually stand up for himself, as time went by I found a nice, gentle, loving kid. He had a little brother he adored and protected.

Many of you who read this will say that bulling made him who he is, made him tougher, you went through this and look where you are – a better person for it. I say maybe your right, but where was the school, the teachers, the administration. This boy has a right to go to school, get an education, and do it in a safe nurturing environment. In fact we demand it, it’s a state law, he has a 6 hour a day Monday through Friday job that he can’t quite. And remember those bullies stopped picking on him, and went on to find someone new to torment. I should’ve been working just as much with the group of bullies as I did with the bullied.